Better Than Drying Paint: Your NBA Lottery Gamelog That's Not a Game

I am excited tonight and it has nothing to do with the morass of slop that will be Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals. No, it's Draft Lottery night, which means the Unsubstantiated Speculation that is the NBA Draft can officially begin. The Intertubes will be flooded with mock drafts by dawn and you'll get one here too, just for the hell of it. Sean Carter and Larry Bird are in the same building, which only means complete nonsense will ensue, let's go.

7:45- OK some prelim stuff. Here are the odds for each team.

Of the top seven teams in terms of odds for No. 1, only the Heat and possibly the Clippers have any chance in hell of making the playoffs next year. And to me, the only team of those that should take Derrick Rose No. 1 is Seattle. I know that Bilas and Legler and Stephen A. or whoever ESPN trots out there that knows nothing about the draft will not agree with me. This will not bother me because none of those people are qualified to talk about the NBA Draft. Bilas is a college guy, Legler is an NBA guy and Stephen A. is a loud guy. Meanwhile Chad Ford and Bill Simmons and John Hollinger, who know about the NBA and scouting, are nowhere to be found.
/rant over

Here is a great link from the wonderful TrueHoop with a look from some newspapers around the Lottery.

8:00- Many NBA-related folk are standing around pretending to mingle. Many business cards are surely exchanged. Doris Burke in her "The Scarlet Letter" outfit is "backstage" at the Lottery, which is very similar to being "backstage" at the post office. Many numbers are on the board in order to tell us which NBA teams suck the most.

8:02- Teams have actual Lottery parties to keep its fans from realizing their souls are black. I'm assuming most of the Memphis "fans" are being paid like they pay seniors to fill out Carlos Mencia's comedy specials.

8:04- Bilas makes his first reference to wingspan in regards to JaVale McGee, whom I despise. Jay Bilas has Kenny George in his top ten next year.

8:05- Oh man, Doris Burke and Jay-Z... it burns. 100-1 odds she ends up in one of Hov's next videos .
/shudders.

8:06- Mitch Richmond is there and he could be representing any of about eight teams in the Lottery.

8:09- Kings fan Margie -- who is, after all, from Sacramento -- is terrified to be surrounded by Dwyane Wade, Kevin Durant and Rudy Gay.

8:11- OK all the white folks, NBA players, Fred Hoiberg and Jay-Z have sat down, let's get going.

8:13- Richmond reps the Warriors and I win the office pool.

8:16- Is every one of them going to be able to actually comment on their excitement of envelopes opening?

8:17- I still can't reconcile Mike D'Antoni representing the atrocity that is the Knicks.

8:18- Dwyane Wade, fresh off of Star Jones.
/shudders.

8:19- OK so far it's all chalk, no shocker there. Indiana at 11. NJ at 10.

8: 20- Charlotte at 9, which means the Bulls are in the top 3, which means the Sixers are out of the playoffs next year. Shit.

8:21- Knicks get No. 6. HA. Welcome to the Danilo Gallinari era.

8:22- Grizzlies are an awful franchise.

8:23- Damn, Seattle got screwed. I will no longer purchase the team. We got a commercial and the T'Wolves, Heat and Bulls are in the top three. All three should be kinda dangerous next year with Rose or Beasley.

Side note. I'm not shocked but that was insanely boring. They need to spruce this up with any combination of Erin Andrews and/or a "Deal or No Deal" format.

8:24- Go Fred Hoiberg, in The Mayor we trust. T'Wolves at No. 3. I hate the Bulls already.

8:25- Poop.

8:26- Well that is certainly a shocker and certainly a pretty big blow to anyone in the East besides Boston and Detroit. Chicago is relevant again and I would imagine quite a few folks would be interested in that Bulls coaching position. Mock Draft coming soon...