Your Obligatory "March Madness Has Begun" Post

I've been looking for a video of this, with the completely insane announcer to go along with it of course, since it happened a couple nights ago but to no avail. Thankfully, the man, the myth, the legend that is Dan Steinberg (Go Blue Hens!) at the DC Sports Bog got it, apparently from Sports By Brooks and Awful Announcing. So basically you can now go anywhere on the Internets and find this gem.

Anyway, it's March and I suppose this constitutes Madness and I guess we can all feel a little safer now that basketball like this is back to take our lives over. Last year, I think we had to wait until the MAC Final with Miami of Ohio beating Akron with a bank three at the buzzer for that March Madness Is Here moment so I guess the college hoops groundhog saw his shadow (or something).

Oh and I'm assuming this would not be possible without... THIS.


Yes I'd say I'm sufficiently ready for March Madness to begin.

Rashad McCants Web Site Makes Duke Fans Wonder What Could Have Been

Rashad McCants is in the NBA now but since most of the population probably wasn't aware of that, I figured I should post this anyway; playing for a National Champion UNC team probably earns you far more notoriety than playing semi-regularly for the Timberwolves and being the pastry chef for your former fellow bench-dweller's competitive dunking endeavors. But a great way to increase that profile is to have a spiffy, rather insane Web site. J.E. Skeets covered this very well at the excellent Ball Don't Lie, Yahoo's NBA blog, and excerpted some highlights:

McCants on his tattoos: "There is nothing like a fresh tattoo. The look of it. The feel of it. Knowing that it hurt so bad, and you wanted to quit. Just like life. When all goes bad, you just wanna quit. But the moment you decide it's not so bad, that if you just take the pain everything will be fine, is the moment you realize life isn't so bad."

McCants on his YBG clothing line: "YBG is my self expression to show my struggle from where I come from to where I am now! Young black and gifted is what I am through my own eyes. Just remember the motto: Swagger is everything!!!!"

McCants on comparing himself to reading The Bible: "Once you open it up and start to read it, you find out things that you've never really seen or heard before. And I think that really describes me."

Skeets has a good eye for mindnumbingly inane athlete self-aggrandizement but I think he is missing out on the real issue. The merciless torture Cameron Crazies could unfurl upon McCants had this Web site been formed during his Tar Heel days. Given all the jeering Redick got for writing poetry, don't you think the Dukies would have a little something prepared in response to one of Rashad's latest (of five overall) poems, Hustle and Cream? An excerpt:

"Gloomy days stormy nights kids watch videos instead of riding bikes.
No flying kites chilling on windy Wednesday, we need us a black men's day,
but us Negros been blind, fuck xray, the only real celebration is your death day.
Women are trapped because that dude didn't really seem gay,
friends fooled because friends said they would never stray.
didn't sense the hate but friends really been fake.
Jail time got brothers really changing faith. Thought friends had they back like bathing ape."

I always liked McCants in college and didn't think he was a thug or selfish or cocky as many of his detractors did, but just a guy who wasn't going to be who everyone else (read: white people) wanted him to be. And within the lines of, uh, Hustle and Cream, you can see a young, confused man at odds with the world around him... And also one that believes the meaning of his existence is comparably enlightening to the Bible.

Duke fans want those three years of their lives back.

Recent Study Finds College Students Eschewing RockBand To Harass Basketball Players

You can probably file this under "Slow News Week," but it should be read anyway. The generally outstanding Grant Wahl at Sports Illustrated may have been gently nudged by his editor in the direction of penning this article on the especially vulgar fan behavior going on this year. Tyler Hansbrough, Kevin Love, Greg Paulus (who is using that hatred to form his new, swaggerific persona), Eric Gordon and that madness in UAB were all featured, with reaction from Love and Gordon's family who apparently needed security at the Oregon and Illinois games respectively.

As family members of targeted players feel the need to bring ­security guards to road games, and with schools such as Oregon and Illinois issuing apologies for the behavior of their fans, it's worth asking: How much is too much? "The abuse that fans are bringing day to day, whether it's on talk radio or in the stands, is going to ruin the game eventually," says Michigan State coach Tom Izzo. "I hate to say this because freedom of speech is at issue, but this isn't what freedom of speech is ­intended for."

(Yes Tom, fans are going to ruin the game.) It seems like this story was written a bunch of times during Redick's career and the reaction to the complaints of future millionaires playing basketball for free amidst a steady stream of commitment-less poon was met largely with tiny violins. I've never met someone who actually hated an opposing college player. They simply yelled things at them during games because they were drunk, shirtless, had painted their face and figured the only way to explain such behavior was the hatred of an 18-year old. And if you think college students drunkenly sending death threats to strangers is rare, well then you're not living in the right dorm. Most of those death threats were sent by kids who can't even pick a major, let alone end another human's life.

Buried deep within the article there is an actual newsworthy item however:

Ten years ago Gordon and Love probably would not have been subjected to such ugly scenes at Illinois and Oregon, not least because they might not have ­attended college at all. But the NBA's age-minimum rule began requiring players to spend at least one season in college ball starting in 2006-07, a change that has coincided with the skyrocketing increase in media coverage of recruiting. In basketball, much more than in football, the decision of one 18-year-old can change the fortunes of a team almost immediately. (Would Illinois be 11-17, for example, if Gordon had gone to Champaign? Not ­likely.) What's more, the popularity of social-networking websites such as Facebook and MySpace has made college athletes and their personal information far more accessible to the public, especially if the athletes are naive when it comes to, say, posting compromising photos of themselves or accepting friend requests from strangers.

OK, this is valid I suppose. The general stalking culture of our Facebook generation can be applied both terrifyingly and hilariously to collegiate athletics. And I suppose the ability for rival fans to intermingle with a player's close social network can be problematic and infringes on a player's right to be a regular college kid (although dedicating your youth to basketball probably accomplishes this well enough). But, as we learn from the article Hansbrough and Paulus have, you can simply get off Facebook. And if you continue to use it, at least have the common sense to post some shit that people will never be able to hate you for. Maybe something like this:
You simply cannot threaten to kill someone who attends parties that do not require pants.

You Must Care About Rivalry Week

I've been told it's Rivalry Week in college hoops. ESPN has told me this and given all the ads and promotions for it, I have been led to believe that it is far more important than something that was say, I don't know, completely made-up by a network desperate to generate post-football interest in sports. While I don't think college basketball lends itself particularly well to rivalries -- the constant changing of players the obvious reason why -- than say college football, it doesn't mean the games won't be really exciting anyway (see: Gonzaga-St. Mary's last night). I mean, it's not like ESPN would show bad games just for the sake of capitalizing on a contrived rivalry. (See: Michigan vs. Ohio State, Clemson vs. Virginia, Xavier vs. St. Louis).

So in order to ensure the proper amount of interest in Rivalry Week, I thought I'd take a closer look at all the "rivalries" and why such hatred came about in the first place.

Louisville vs. Marquette- When defecting from Conference USA, both teams thought they were the main contributors to the enormously increasing suckiness of their old conference. Rick Pitino claimed it was the Cardinals that left the league at a level barely higher than 8th grade girls basketball while Tom Crean vehemently disagreed, saying if not for the Golden Eagles departure, people might still want to watch Conference USA over televised coverage of a live birth.

Missouri vs. Kansas- I would say this would suffice. And I suppose this was only a matter of time, as well:
Gonzaga vs. St. Mary's- Zags' guard Matt Bouldin prefers Dave Mathews to Jack Johnson, which is tantamount to sacrilege amongst the useless, yerk-toting, frisbee-chucking cheeba-monkeys that attend the small, liberal arts college.

Michigan vs. Ohio State- Something to do with football or something.

Butler vs. Valparaiso- Because no one inspires more hatred than the radical Finnish ideals of Valpo sophomore forward and Scandinavian enforcer Samuel Haanpaa. He has infiltrated the Midwest and we have only AJ Graves to save us. There Will Be Blood.

Florida vs. Tennessee- There is no greater debate in the South than which is more soul-crushing: Bruce Pearl with his shirt off or Joakim Noah fully clothed.

















Bonechilling

Connecticut vs. Syracuse- No one is sure how this rivalry started. Jim Boeheim and Jim Calhoun just started whining one day and the topic eventually meandered toward each others programs. In order to get them to stop, both fanbases swore their hatred for the other. Also, there are rumors about a heated bet between both athletic directors on which team could spend the most consecutive Novembers without leaving their respective states. It's a stalemate at 79 apiece.

Duke vs. UNC- Coach K banged Dean Smith's daughter. Not sure why else this would be a rivalry.

Texas vs. Oklahoma- The Sooners made the unfortunate misstep of having messed with Texas. We all know how that can turn out.

West Virginia vs. Pittsburgh- The loser of this game every season will be known as the Official Alabama of the North for the following year. The women of the winning fan base gets a free year-long subscription to the services of any Planned Parenthood in the losing team's state. Given the two fanbases, this prize has an estimated value over $500,000. The men receive assault rifles. You know, for huntin' critters or whatever.

Xavier vs. St. Louis- Not sure why this is a rivalry, although I heard Musketeer fans are known throughout the A-10 for hating aborted children and full frontal male nudity.

Illinois vs. Indiana- I may be wrong here, but didn't Illinois fans have some strong feelings toward that Eric Gordon fellow.

From Illinois Loyalty message board:
Orange100: i love him like a loose meat sandwich with melted cheddar cheese that they serve in the lunch room.

TheTimmer: that it's probably illegal to discuss. But, I can tell you this: I would de-pants myself and sing "The Old Gray Mare" for 2 hours straight the night of his non-exhibition debut as an Illini.

JCJP: Eric would look sooooooooo good in orange. He makes me feel so wonderful.
Don't ya know that he's? He's some Kind of Wonderful. yes he is, he's some kind of wonderful.

The GRAND FUNK RAILROAD WROTE IT JUST FOR YOU ERIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonder how that turned out...

Biggest Controversy... According to Billy Packer: The SSS 2007-08 College Hoops Preview for Non-Psychics

By now the sweeping deluge of preseason awards/picks/rankings/All Whatever teams has subsided and given way to a far less exciting form of entertainment, actual live basketball. This pesky little distraction to what is really important - inane speculation plucked ripe from the collective media asshole - what with its final scores and concrete evidence, is not going to deny SSS the right to pillage our own sphincters for blind prognostications pawned off as heavily supported hypotheses. But with all of the standard preseason awards already put into the trusting hands of the media and coaches, SSS gives you its own brand of "alternative" preseason awards, to be distributed periodically over the duration of these fancy tip-off tournaments.

Today: Biggest Controversy... According to Billy Packer
Previously:
Least Obnoxious Coach: Tony Bennett, Washington State
Most Hated White Guy Award: Drew Neitzel, Michigan State
Most Annoying Announcer (Non Vitale Division): Jim Nantz, CBS
Most Scandalous Program: Kansas State

Continue...

It's an annual tradition. As reliable as the leaves changing color, tax day, Gus Johnson capturing the hearts of millions. Billy Packer will be pissed off at something, anything, on Selection Sunday. Sometimes it's been as simple as a Bubble team being snubbed or a certain squad being seeded too high, but often it's Packer grasping at something out of thin air, interjecting himself into the national hoops picture and bringing the grinning idiot Jim Nantz along for the ride. Shall we run through Packer's list of offenses? I say yes...
1979- Criticizes Larry Bird and Indiana State's 1 seed and No. 1 overall ranking in the NCAAs. They proceed to make it to the championship game.

1996- Calls Allen Iverson, my favorite athlete of all-time, a "tough monkey" and somehow doesn't get got by Iverson's posse or mine.

2000- Allegedly said the following to some Duke fans before a game: "Since when do we let women control who gets into a men's basketball game? Why don't you go find a women's game to let people into?" To his credit, it's not like any of the pipsqueaks at Duke we're going retaliate. The bleachers there probably look like a middle school dance.

2004- Lambasted St. Joe's getting a 1 seed out of the A-10 after they lost to Xavier in the first game of the conference tournament. Was confronted by Phil Martelli on air and got into one of those old, bald guy shouting matches, reminiscent of Grumpy Old Men where they just yell non sequitirs about which war they were in and how much Coke cost when they were a teenager.

2005- Was booed upon receiving some kind of lifetime achievement award at the ACC Tournament. United bitter ACC fans in hatred against him.

2006- Got all crotchety about mid-majors making the tournament over power conference teams leading everyone to assume that Packer doesn't know how to use an iPod and thinks Sophia Loren is still the hottest piece of ass around. Picked on the CAA and MVC, saying that neither leagues had done anything in recent tournaments. Bradley and Wichita State make the Sweet 16, Mason goes to the Final Four. He and Nantz didn't admit they were wrong and Craig Littlepage punked them for it.

2007- This occurred.

Now, everyone with an internet connection and permanent residence in their parents' basement has written the Billy Packer Has Got to Go Column. It's everywhere, specifically, here, here, here, here, and... well you get the picture. When I want to hate on Packer, I'll just think of this piece from Kissing Suzy Kolber and interject him as the speaker. Seems about right. Oh and from JoeSportsFan, this is just outstanding, so I'll browse that too. But I'm not here to add to the anti-Packer content. No, it is in my interest to simply predict what will piss off Packer this year, so we can all brace ourselves for his idiocy and also this year's batch of Fire Packer columns.

He's got the bigotry angle covered, I don't think he'll go to that well again. He clearly hates mid-majors, no need to elaborate there, plus it could be a down year for those mongrels anyway. I'm actually thinking the selection committee gets a pass this year. So what is left? Ah yes, I know, the perfect foil to an old senile man's otherwise peaceful march to death...

Whippersnappers!
Yes, the freshmen. With their lawn-trespassing, flawless colons and steady urine streams. These punks have taken over the game that Packer loves so dear with those brazen crossover dribbles, "jump" shots and diverse ethnic backgrounds. Last year, the first under David Stern's NBA age-minimum, the freshmen impact hit Packer like a punch in the stomach (well, not really, a punch in the stomach would turn his intestines to dust). If he knew the likes of Kevin Durant and Greg Oden would come in and dominate a game that clearly takes a minimum of five decades and a maximum 12-inch vertical leap to perfect, he would've challenged Stern to a duel, just like his old pal Aaron Burr. But this year Packer is prepared. Come Selection Sunday he'll be plenty cantankerous over these kids coming in, ravishing the game and leaving after one year. Before getting married no less!

So when Derrick Rose and Memphis or Eric Gordon and Indiana get their top seeds in the Tourney, Packer will unleash a diatribe on the youth of America that would make Andy Rooney quiver in his warmly-packed adult diapers. Every freshmen will be called out for bastardizing the game, ruining the longevity of programs across the country, making a mockery of a college education and... and... stealing! Those filthy little sneaks, don't they have their own teams?! Then Memphis and Indiana will go to the Final Four and Packer will expound on the veteran leadership of both squads, even as Gordon puts up 30 per game and Rose averages a triple-double. And in Billy Packer's mind, he will still rule the college hoops universe and all future freshmen will be treated as Satan's minions sent to ruin the purity of the game that consumes his life. Well, except the white ones. He's got no problems with white people. So, uh, Go UCLA! Go Duke! hehe...


I hate that man.

Billiken Dad Rips Majerus on Message Board, But At Least He Didn't Threadjack

Came across a delightful little story today from the venerable Gary Parrish at CBS Sportsline. Apparently Tommie Liddell III, a guard for Rick Majerus' mighty St. Louis Billikens, hasn't been playing so hot under his new coach. So his father, Tommie Liddell Jr. decided to blast on Majerus at the warmest of support groups, a fan message board. Here is the post from the marvelously inconspicuous TDell at the Billikens.com board.

thetorch where did you play college ball, probably no where. This is a new coach with a new system, everybody's saying how good of a coach Majerus is, I dont see it anybody can run around and set screens you dont have to have talent to do that. Majuerus doesn't want any fancy stuff just plain basketball. Tommie played well his first two years now all of a sudden he's not, its not Tommie it's the coach. I'd rather have Sodie.

That was in response to this post by a man known only as "The Torch"...

Tommie Liddell III - Half the player he was in his first 2 years. Committed a handful of dumb TOs. From the point or wing position doesn't matter, he doesn't know what he is doing on offense. He had several Isos run for him and he only took a couple of them. Playing nervous, half speed, and is afraid to make mistakes or take poor shots. This isn't something that will just click on. We are in trouble if Tommie doesn't get some confidence and start dictating the offense.

TDell then did some good-old fashioned backtracking once he started taking heat for the comment...

I never talked to Bernie about that post, he doesnt know who posted it. My buddy who is ESTLALUMNI on this board couldnt remember his password so I let him use mine.I did read it I didnt think it was a big deal. Lets get one thing straight Tommie loves Majerus what ever I post on here those are my thoughts. Do you guys remember I said I would never post anything negative unless someone else posted it first. That guy Bernie I dont know him and I never talked to him

I know what you're thinking. St. Louis has an active message board? Seriously though, the real issue is why the hell a player's dad is on a message board of his son's team. Why can't parents just learn of their child's ridicule the conventional ways: black eyes and homosexuality. As Parrish astutely points out, some people on these message boards are highly biased and irrational. Their anonymous screen name is like a Never Leave the House Free Card. Ripping apart the cool jocks they never were from the privacy of their own home and not having to face the consequences (completely unlike bloggers, who are noble, upstanding citizens). Most parents can't take any criticism of their kids, let alone daily lambasting from the harshest of individuals.

But what interests me most is that this seems like a fascinating development for 21st Century Soccer Dads across the country, nay, the globe. Rather than save your deranged complaints about your son's squandered talent for some uninterested parent next to you, do it under an (almost) anonymous handle at the only place people actually care about the St. Louis Billikens, a message board. Not sure if this tactic of the devastatingly overbearing parent is more efficient than the conventional method of beating the piss out of a rogue coach, but man is technology crazy!

Anyway, it all got me thinking, what are some other message board shenanigans we might see this year...

DPaul3- greg's defense is fine, it's his opponents fault. in high school they were learning things like crossover moves and developing quickness while greg was playing football. cuz of all the hits he took, he can barely see the color orange anymore.... and his ankles are fine... i mean, that's what i heard at least.

RHeyt42- theo could never remember where he put his drugs so josh let him use his back seat... let's get one thing straight, josh hates drugs.

wimpyKU- billy coached good at his other teams. its lexington, not billy. all they want is winning basketball. i, er, he'd rather have college station.

durhamdick4- everyone is sayin how duke was so overrated last year but neone can say that...baby... all u need is a internet connection and you can critisize them, it takes no talent... (baby)... a real analyst uses catch phrazes and screams like a toddler... dipsy do... coach k can flat out coach... where did you ever coach? probably nowhere... dunkeroo.