The TeaBagging Series: Deron Washington Sits Atop Mike Scott

I don't care who you are or who you claim to be, if you like basketball there is no finer play in the game than when one player unleashes savage dunk upon another. There are many ways to describe it: "posterizing," Marv Albert's "serves up a facial," "getting banged on" or, my personal preference, "getting pooped on" (because actually getting pooped upon is the only thing as equally degrading as having someone dunk on you). We shall use Teabagging for the namesake of this series, mainly because the pic below is my favorite TeaBagging of all time and it shall be honored thusly.

That symbolizes all that is right with the world.

But no matter what you call it, there is generally one reaction to watching this happen live. Extreme jubilation, inaudible screeches, not unlike the noise Gus Johnson frequently makes in moments of high intensity, and some kind of involuntary burst of aerobic exultation, similar to how Elaine dances in Seinfeld.

You would think with the athleticism in the NBA, it would produce far more feces platters than the college ranks but I think the numbers are probably similar. After all, there are far more games per night and far more pipsqueaks, walk-ons and stiffs for which to be helmetized. Plus with the arcane charging rules in college, you have a lot of players trying to take an offensive foul right under the basket and end up losing their girlfriends.

Feel free to link video of any TeaBaggings I might have missed in the comments.

Previously: Russell Westbrook giving Jamal Boykin a groin sandwich.
Tyler Hansbrough giving Kenny George two Hs (= Gheorghe)

Today we honor a man to which enough honor cannot be bestowed. Deron Washington, the Original TeaBagger, has struck again. Washington is indeed a Chosen One. Spawned from the absence of previous messiahs, Ism'ail Muhammad, James White and David Noel, Washington has the divine power to frequently poop upon people while holding no regard for any other aspects of the game. Dribbling? Unimportant. Shooting? For peasants. Passing? What's the bother when mere mortals are the recipient? These noble men thrive in the face of practical basketball skills. The NBA is no promiseland. Playing exhibition games on the And1 Tour in front of white teenagers in Montana. That, my friends, is their destiny.

While Washington hit the game winner against Virginia Wednesday, it was but a mere footnote in his legend. Another notch was added to his belt with that disgusting display of forced piggybacking. Not only did he inflict such destruction upon Mike Scott of Virginia, but Sir Deron also made it clear that the art of TeaBagging knows no color, no sides, no unworthy form of opposition. Yes, Virginia Tech forward Jeff Allen, not even a shared jersey can save you from joining vanquished foes such as Scott, Tyrelle Blair of Boston College, and, lest we forget, the moment which started a revolution of TeaBagging, a movement so strong that it ignited the passion of millions against a single adversary; Greg Paulus of Duke, apprentice of Krzyzewski, King of the Rats, from the Land of Fortunate Calls. Gather round as I recite a tale of unprecedented testicular will, of flawless groin maneuvering, of good over evil, scrote over, well... this. A tale that inspired a people.



Deron Washington I bow down before thee.